Mama News!
Happy Friday, loves! Something occurred to me last night as I was scrolling thru my phone looking at pictures of my sweet baby boy. Today (August 10) last year, I found out I was pregnant for the 2nd time! It’s such a crazy story and I’m excited to share it with you all. This will be one with the feels - call it #FeelsFriday LOL.
My husband and I got married December 2016 and we were eager to start a family. We spent the better majority of 2017 traveling all over the place and enjoying married life before adding a little one to the mix. I finally got to visit Napa (my dream - Wine country!) and taste all the wonderful bounty it has to offer. We also went to Zion National Park in Utah and hiked Angel’s Landing which was amazing! And to top that off we went to Cancun to celebrate my cousin’s wedding. Best. Vacation. Ever!
Sometime in early June after we had returned from Cancun, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I took 3 of them because I could not believe the results - they were positive!! I showed my husband and he was over the moon! It was such a crazy feeling, actually many crazy feelings. One minute we were just two, the next we had become three. It was exhilarating!
Unfortunately this excitement was short lived. The very next day I bled out and I knew it was a miscarriage. I was admitted to the ER a couple days later and they confirmed it indeed was a miscarriage. We were beyond devastated and mourned for the little babe that was almost ours. I was feeling so lost and alone, like I had failed - thinking my body was not capable to carry a child. It was a dark and lonely time for me. I asked God, “Why did this happen? Why did I take that pregnancy test? Is my body not made to have a baby?” Had I not taken the pregnancy test, we would have never known I was pregnant and life would have been normal. I spent a lot of that time in prayer and just seeking God and mourning. In my head I knew that miscarriages were common, but I was definitely not expecting one to happen to us - to me.
I kept busy the next few months to try to keep my mind off the loss. I worked on a couple of proposals; one was a helicopter one that was simply ah-ma-zing! In July we took a weekend trip with our friends and all our pups to Paso Robles. I saw it as my “healing trip” as we spent time by the coast eating good food, drinking delicious wine and spoiling our pups like crazy.
Our group in Cambria, CA
The next month we were at a birthday dinner where I remember feeling nauseous and I thought it was because of the food I ate. I had a scheduled doctor’s appointment a couple days later so I thought I would ask then what was going on. When the day came and I was at the doctor, I went ahead and told the nurse what I was feeling and that I had experienced a miscarriage. My mind had been all sorts of worried and overthinking that morning thinking perhaps I couldn’t carry a child. The nurse had me take a pregnancy test to rule it out so that she could move forward with other tests. I was already on the next steps so I didn’t even think it was possible that I was pregnant. She came back and sat me down next to her and calmly said “So, it looks like you’re pregnant”. I shrieked so loud all the nurses at the nurses station looked over to see what was going on. I kept telling the nurse to “shut up!” because there was no way I was pregnant again so quickly. They brought in an ultrasound machine to check and there he was - my 7 week little nugget! I cried so hard I don’t know how I still made it into the office that day. I also didn’t know how I managed to keep that a secret from my husband THE WHOLE DAY until I came home. I gave him the pregnancy test in a bag and told him “the doctors wanted me to give you this”. He of course did not know what I handed him, so I slowly explained to him that “this is a pregnancy test, and that line there says that it is positive”. He looked at me in disbelief - just as I had at the nurse that morning.
Every thursday after that I thanked God for each passing week that our nugget grew bigger and stronger. Pregnancy was a challenge for me and my body. I hated not being able to eat all the yummy foods I was used to, and morning sickness was a doozy! But looking back at all that and looking at my 4-month old nugget now, it was all worth it to see him smile now. God has His plan and His timing and when you’re in the thick of it, sometimes it doesn’t make sense. But He does all things for the good of those who love Him. My baby is the ultimate reminder and manifestation of that very word.
I know this was a long one - phew! - but I hope by me sharing this super personal story, that I was able to encourage even just one of you who might be going thru a hard time. Everything happens for a reason and I urge you to trust in the process and trust in God.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post! Have a wonderful weekend!!
